TMI, behind cut.



Ok.. I've been in the bathroom a few times today. Some sort of intenstinal discomfort. I've lost about 4 lb just in the bathroom. Gah.. It's kind of graphic, but then so is this community sometimes, but I was sick this morning and it faded away before I was in a bathroom. Ok.. I was curious. My friends took me to a diner and made me have some toast and soup. Bully for them.. They think I eat very poorly and I know they care.. but honestly, I felt worse suddenly. As if as soon as I was done eating toast w/butter(ugh) and jelly(boo!) and then the damn soup, my body freaked out. It was a bad soup too. Potato. But then, that was my first meal of consequence for two days. When I got home, maybe 20 minutes later, I had to potty like crazy. I lost like 2 lb that time.. I weighed myself afterwards, haha. I don't know why I do that. And then I got sick again later, about 40 minutes ago, and weighed myself again. Another 2 lb.

It's like my body freaks when I eat a meal. I get sick as hell.

My friend told me I was white as a ghost. I am very pale anyway.. I never know how to react to that comment.

I'm done eating for the day. I am well under 900 cals, and I suppose I could eat my Lean Cuisine, but my friend told me they had high preservatives that would jump onto my body as fat instantly. This is the same friend who witnesses me bingeing and asks if I "gave up" on my diet. She doesn't see the world the way I do, and she doesn't live in the same cycle of horrors. My little house of mirrors, where I watch myself eat, gain, panic and kill myself like a terrible movie. It's not easy. There's no easy way about it. Honestly, I am OK with this bathroom issue. I'm not even on laxatives. ( I am afeared of them.) I tried diuretics onced and they didn't do anything.